Back and Forth
by classof7teen
Summary: "No, she doesn't want this. It's Friday night, and they spend their Friday nights watching movies or crappy reality television. Then they wake up in the morning in a mess of tangled of limbs. That was something that was normal. It was just a part of their thing, but this Friday night they are fighting." [Post 4x23: Parley]


**A/N: **Post 4x23, Parley.

**Disclaimer: **I'm just a teenage girl... I own nothing ;-)

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She laid in bed acting like she was asleep and just ignoring the ring, but after the third she pulled herself from bed and made her way to her front door. It's not like she didn't know who it was going to be, because she knew. It's sort of like she was expecting him even after the way they left things earlier.

Any other night it would have been different. He would have come over with two tubs of her favorite Rocky Road Ice Cream, a six pack of beer, and a selection of movies ranging from a sappy chick flick to action and horror. Tonight though he stood in her doorway with his body slouched and he was awkwardly rocking on his toes.

"Are you good?" He was speaking in a tone that was so foreign to her. It wasn't his usual voice.

"Why are you here?" Pressing her lips into a thin line and dropping her head, trying to avoid eye contact with him. Anger and annoyance was evident in her voice unlike it had been earlier that night in the armory.

"Are you good?" He repeated, not answering her question.

He really wanted to make sure she was good. The operation was something he was hesitant about since the start knowing the effects that keeping a secret from his partner would have on her. In the end he did the operation because Granger said he would terminate his liaison position with NCIS if he didn't. So he took the risk.

"Don't you have to go check up on Monica or something?" She asked avoiding his question.

"No. I came to see if you were good."

"Like you said earlier, I'm good if you're good." Clenching her jaw after she spoke, keeping her eyes focused to the floor.

Things weren't good. They were far from it. You didn't have to be blind to know something was up.

He lifted her chin with his two fingers so he could look her in the eye, she quickly swatted his hand away but didn't break eye contact. "You mad at me?"

She wants, oh she wants, to tell him that things are fine between the both of them but the truth is things aren't. They both know that. Earlier in the armory was just them avoiding things that needed to be said. It was the both of them sugar coating what's actually happening.

She cocked her head to the side. "What do you think?"

"Oh, so now you are answering my questions with questions."

"Stop."

"Stop what?" He demanded.

It is like they were playing a game. Each throwing questions back and forth at each other just waiting to see who was going to give in first.

"Why are you here, Deeks?"

Well it seems like he gave up, and let her win the game because he was the first to answer a question. "Things were and are tense, and I am sorry."

"That's not going to cut it." Her words coming out harsher than intended and very sharp.

"What will?"

"I don't know."

"If you don't know how am I supposed to know?"

His question hit her like a ton of bricks, because he's right. How is he supposed to know what to say when she doesn't even know what she wants him to say?

"Figure it out, and you better mean it." There it was again, the anger and annoyance. She just wanted to push it back, but the anger and annoyance was practically radiating off of her.

"What is up with you?"

"What is up with me?" The fire inside of her building up, so much that the next words she blurted surprised herself. "You, my partner, the man who tells me I can tell him anything was on an undercover operation without my knowing." She lashed out at him.

This isn't the conversation she wants to be having with him right now. No, she doesn't want this. It's Friday night, and they spend their Friday nights watching movies or crappy reality television. Then they wake up in the morning in a mess of tangled of limbs. That was something that was normal. It was just a part of their thing, but this Friday night they are fighting.

"Kensi, it just isn't the operation it's more. What is it?"

Jealousy. Possessiveness. Two things she wasn't going to tell him, because it is how she felt. She could deny herself all she wanted, but it wasn't going to be enough because it's how she felt. Also the conversation she had in the boatshed with Monica that afternoon that hit her close to home. It got her thinking. She did trust him with everything, no matter what. She trusted him with her life, her thoughts, her demons, her feelings, and-her heart.

"Just say something you mean."

"Why don't we both say something we mean?" He suggested. "That seems to be the problem, and it's just not on me."

"I don't see a problem."

"Are you going to keep doing this?"

"What is 'this' exactly?"

They both knew what 'this' was. It just wasn't the operation. It was more. 'This' was their thing. All it took to send them both to the edge was some undercover operation involving a woman. An undercover operation she didn't know about with a woman that was not her.

"You are standing here telling me to say something I mean when you aren't either. I'm sorry, Kens, but it is like you want me to say more. I don't know what else to say besides I'm sorry."

"Well maybe I do want you to say more." And there it is, her somewhat admitting out loud to what she wants to hear from him, and giving into the words he just said.

"What am I supposed to say? Tell me." He begged, wanting to know. From the look in her eyes thought he could tell she wanted to say something, but she was starting to shut down on him.

She just stood there contemplating what to say. If felt like minutes hours even before she spoke again. She couldn't muster up the strength to say anything besides the simple, "Never mind. I'm going to bed." She dropped her head in defeat and angry at herself this time, shutting the door before he could respond.

He wasn't going to stand and fight it, not tonight at least. She was going to stand her ground. That's just who she was. If she said 'never mind' then it was never mind. They could give it a rest for tonight, but things were going to have to get settled. "Yeah. See you tomorrow," he whispered as turned away.

Once she closed the door she slid down to the floor with her legs pressed up against her chest and her head resting in her hands going over everything that just happened, but what she didn't know was that he was doing the same thing on the other side of the door. They were so close yet so far. It just wasn't a piece of wood separating them, it was more. It was feelings, pent up emotions, thick tension, and words that could or should have been said.

_Why did things have to be difficult?_ She thought to herself. She didn't wake up this morning expecting this to be the way her day ended. After sitting there forever going over the conversation over and over again she finally picked herself up and made her way back to bed.

She didn't get a wink of sleep that night. She stayed up thinking, about everything. It was on her mind all weekend, and when she walked into work Monday morning things were still tense. They went at each other again and continued the game of not actually saying what they mean. That is until he surprisingly used his own ways of communication, but after that things went haywire and the last thing on both their minds was their lack to communicate.

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**A/N: **If you follow me on tumblr (littlemartys) you know the story behind this EXTREMELY late post-ep. And thank you to _ifiknowyouatall_ for the proof read.


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